Originally Published May 16, 2025
This morning, I sipped my coffee and scrolled through a message from a client’s wife, accusing me of destroying her marriage. I didn’t know her husband’s identity, but her words lingered, pushing me to reflect on the ethics of my work—an issue I grapple with daily as a sex worker.
Sex work sits in a moral gray zone. Critics argue it undermines relationships or exploits vulnerability. The wife’s message echoed this, blaming me for her pain. Yet, I see my role differently. I provide a professional service, not an emotional entanglement. Clients seek me for physical needs, often to avoid the messy feelings of affairs, which the Institute of Family Studies suggests 31% of married men pursue. My job is to offer discretion, an insurance policy against chaos, not a catalyst for it.
Ethically, I prioritize consent, boundaries, and respect. Every client interaction begins with clear agreements. I turn away those who push limits, and discontinue seeing those who ignored my boundaries. My professionalism mirrors a therapist or lawyer: I meet a need while safeguarding privacy. This approach challenges the view that sex work inherently harms families. Unlike affairs, which breed emotional fallout, my service doesn’t have that emotional component, designed to prevent ripple effects. Still, I wrestle with the unintended impact, like the wife’s anger, when discretion fails through no fault of my own.
On the flip side, sex work raises questions about societal demand. If no one sought my services, I wouldn’t exist in this role. The market thrives because needs go unmet elsewhere, whether due to strained marriages or personal desires. Blaming sex workers ignores this root, much like condemning a doctor for treating illness. My ethical stance is to operate with integrity, ensuring no harm through deceit or coercion.
The wife’s accusation stung, but it reminded me why I treat my work as a profession. I can’t control others’ choices, but I can control my actions, upholding boundaries, protecting privacy, and offering a service that, for some, preserves rather than destroys. To those who judge, I ask: where does the real ethical failure lie, in meeting a demand or in ignoring why it exists?
❤️Charlotte