Originally Published February 12. 2025
Reflecting on my life, I realize that my current situation is far from what I anticipated. At the beginning of my life, my path was crystal clear. Every problem had an obvious solution, and I couldn’t see a life where I would not achieve my goals. Everything looked black and white, and I couldn’t have imagined ending up where I am today. I don’t work in the field related to my two college degrees, I’m divorced, and I’ve moved away from the religion of my upbringing.
My life took an unexpected turn after my 20-year marriage ended due to my ex-husband’s betrayal. I never imagined he would be unfaithful, and it completely shattered my world. The most painful part wasn’t the physical act itself; it was discovering that he was in a full-fledged relationship with someone else, and I had no idea. I could understand how having a few too many drinks might lead to a one-time mistake, as I’ve had similar, while unacted-on, fantasies. However, this was different. This was a relationship, and I despised the person who did this to my family.
Strangely enough, I now find myself on the other side of this situation. I’m no longer the heartbroken wife dealing with betrayal; instead, I am the mistress. Or am I? A few years ago, the wife of a former client found out he had been seeing me, and she labeled me as such. This idea had never occurred to me; I never saw myself as resembling a mistress. This raises the question: is sex work equivalent to being a mistress, or is it something else?
Being on both sides of this situation has offered me a unique perspective on what it means to have an affair. I understand the complexities of desire and the allure of the forbidden, yet I also carry the weight of the emotional turmoil it can inflict on all parties involved. Transitioning from being the wife to something akin to a mistress has left me grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, particularly empathy for the other woman and all the guilt that comes with it.
From my own experience, I can clearly see the difference between having an affair and visiting a sex worker. An affair usually means breaking trust and being emotionally unfaithful in a committed relationship, creating a connection and bond that goes beyond just the physical interaction. Conversely, seeing a sex worker is typically straightforward, focusing mainly on physical pleasure without the emotional ties or the intention of forming a deeper bond. Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t become friendly with your sex worker friend; the underlying intent is different.
Societal views on both situations are largely similar and often stigmatized as moral failings. This is why the other other woman of my former client referred to me as his mistress. While both scenarios involve forms of intimacy that may exist outside of a primary relationship, the emotional stakes and motivations differ greatly.
As I navigate the intricacies of love, loyalty, and the outcomes of my decisions, I realize that life’s answers are rarely straightforward, and the journey involves more factors than I ever anticipated. Emotions are complex, physical actions don’t always equate to love, and life is undeniably intricate. Making your sex worker not your mistress, and your mistress not the love of your life, or maybe they are…
❤️Charlotte