I’ve always liked Wonder Woman. She’s beautiful, intelligent, independent, and has an exceptional wardrobe. She also has some rather impressive accessories. A golden lasso that makes people tell the truth? Yes, please. Although I suspect if I had one, I’d spend entirely too much time asking people questions they really didn’t want to answer.
There’s something wonderfully reassuring about superheroes. They know who the bad guys are, they have the ability to stop them, and by the time the credits roll, justice has usually prevailed. The villain is defeated, the world is saved, and everyone goes home feeling considerably better about humanity. There’s usually a little property damage along the way, but apparently that’s what insurance is for.
Unfortunately, real life doesn’t come with a script. I’ve had the rather unpleasant experience of dealing with someone who seemed determined to make my life miserable. I won’t bore you with all the details, but let’s just say that if persistence were a marketable skill, this particular individual would be extraordinarily successful. Unfortunately, he chose to apply that dedication to something considerably less productive than curing cancer or learning to play the piano.
And here’s something they don’t tell you in superhero movies. Sometimes the bad guy doesn’t get arrested. Sometimes the people who are supposed to help don’t. Sometimes you can do everything you’re supposed to do, follow every rule, provide every piece of evidence, and still find yourself wondering whether anyone is actually paying attention.
Where exactly is Wonder Woman when you need her?
I used to think that if you were honest, treated people fairly, and did the right thing, things would eventually work themselves out. I still believe those things matter. I’m just considerably less convinced that the universe has an efficient customer service department.
The truth is, one person’s determination to cause harm can affect an astonishing number of people. Families, friendships, livelihoods, and relationships can all become casualties of something they never wanted any part of. People who have done absolutely nothing wrong can find themselves paying a price for someone else’s behavior. And sometimes the damage continues long after the original conflict should have ended.
We tend to imagine these situations as contests between good and evil. Someone is right, someone is wrong, and eventually someone wins. It’s a comforting idea, especially when we’re the ones who have been wronged. We want justice. We want consequences. We want the satisfaction of knowing that doing the right thing actually matters.
But I’ve learned that being right doesn’t necessarily mean you win. For a long time, I wanted this situation to end. I wanted the harassment to stop, the people I loved to be left alone, and the ordinary pieces of my life to return to being ordinary. I wanted someone, somewhere, to recognize what was happening and do something about it. I wasn’t asking for a parade or a medal. Although, admittedly, a golden lasso might have expedited the process.
And now, at least for the moment, it’s over. You might think that would feel like winning. That there would be some wonderful sense of triumph, a moment when the music swells and the villain finally gets what’s coming to him. But that’s not how it feels.
I didn’t win. He didn’t win. Nobody won.
There were consequences, losses, and people hurt who never should have been involved in the first place. Things happened that cannot be undone. Time was wasted, opportunities were lost, and lives were changed. And when I look back at all of it, I can’t help wondering what on earth any of it was for.
What exactly was the prize?
That’s the part I find most difficult to understand. Someone can become so consumed with hurting another person that they lose sight of everything else, including what they’re doing to themselves and the people around them. And even when it’s finally over, there isn’t some magical moment when everything returns to the way it was before. There is no reset button.
But there is relief. Enormous, wonderful, almost unbelievable relief. The kind that comes from realizing you can finally turn your attention toward something other than a problem you never wanted in the first place. You can make plans without wondering what will happen next. You can enjoy an ordinary day simply because it’s ordinary. And I’ve developed quite an appreciation for ordinary.
I still believe in being kind, treating people fairly, and doing the right thing. I still believe those things matter, even when they don’t produce the outcome we deserve. But I no longer believe that every story has to end with someone standing victorious over a defeated enemy. Sometimes the bad guy loses, and so does everyone else.
Maybe that’s why we love superheroes so much. They give us the satisfying endings real life so often refuses to provide. The villains are defeated, justice is served, and the innocent people get to go home. Preferably before the sequel. I’m not a superhero. I don’t have a magic lasso, an invisible jet, or the ability to make everything right again. And despite what the costume might suggest, I’m reasonably certain I couldn’t deflect a speeding bullet with my bracelets.
But I know a few things. Not every battle has a winner. Not every wrong gets made right. And not every ending needs to be a victory. And as for Wonder Woman? She can keep the invisible jet and the bulletproof bracelets. But if she’s not using that golden lasso, I’d really love to borrow it. I have a few questions.
💫 Charlotte
