Today being Father’s Day has me thinking about fathers from a perspective most people probably don’t expect. People often reduce me to a single fact about my life. I’m a sex worker. For some, that’s all they need to know. The rest of who I am seems to disappear. They don’t see the woman who spent years helping with homework, worrying through fevers, cheering at graduations, crying after college drop-offs, or wondering every day whether she was getting motherhood right. They see one label and assume it tells them everything.
It doesn’t.
Maybe that’s why I’ve become cautious about doing the same thing to other people. Over the years, I’ve spent thousands of hours talking with men from every walk of life. They’re physicians, attorneys, engineers, executives, business owners, professors, pilots, entrepreneurs, and retirees. They’ve built companies, managed employees, coached Little League, cared for aging parents, and put children through college.
And almost without fail, at some point in our conversation, they reach for their phone. “I have to show you something.” It’s rarely the new car, the vacation house, or the promotion. It’s almost always their children. I’ve seen graduation photos, wedding pictures, newborn grandchildren, first apartments, college acceptance letters, and family vacations. I’ve listened to stories about soccer games, dance recitals, career choices, engagements, and the bittersweet quiet that settles into a house after the last child leaves home.
The pride I’ve witnessed is unmistakable. I’ve watched fathers who never stop being fathers. Even when their children aren’t with them. Even when no one is asking. Even when there is absolutely no reason to bring them up. Fatherhood seems to travel with them. It’s carried in their conversations, tucked into the photos on their phones, and woven into stories they tell without even realizing it. It isn’t something they switch on when they walk through the front door. It has simply become part of who they are.
The men I’ve come to know over the years are many things at once. They are fathers, professionals, husbands, grandfathers, mentors, volunteers, neighbors, and friends. They also happen to see me, a sex worker.
Does that one fact erase everything else?
I don’t believe a single fact about someone’s life tells the whole story of who they are as a father. Perhaps the people most qualified to answer that question are the ones who have called him Dad for years.
This Father’s Day, I’m thinking about all the pictures I’ve been shown over the years. They remind me that beneath our careers, our successes, our failures, and the labels other people assign us, many of us are simply trying to love the people who matter most. To the fathers who’ve proudly shared their children, their milestones, and their lives with me over the years, thank you for letting me see that side of you.
Happy Father’s Day.
💙 Charlotte